Why Get Married?

So I’m watching Law&Order-SVU and see this episode where a woman is found dead at a bachelor party. As the investigation proceeds, Benson hears stories of how all the men slept with the parties “entertainment” (strippers). The more I listened to the acts performed at the party it caused me to wonder, if this is what REALLY goes on at bachelor/ette parties the night before the wedding, then why get married in the first place?

My first introduction to bachelor parties was the 1984 classic film by the great Tom Hanks, Bachelor Party….“Ryko: Hi, come on in! Drugs to the right, hookers to the left.” So early on my judgment may have been clouded. I understand that not all men and women have sex with strippers, prostitutes, friends of the family and/or the best man or matron of honor. But, more times than not there are sexual incidents that occur at these parties. The issue that I have with it is that on the eve of the joining of a family, a new life and a future with an unsuspecting mate, why begin the union on such awkward footing. Being a man I know the feelings (normally south of the waist) that arise in us when we see a nice body or a pretty face. But, I also understand the feeling of respect and beginning anew with a bride. I have been married once (it didn’t wok out but that’s another post in itself…lol)…and the night before the wedding I was nervous, scared and at the same time totally in control of my mind, desires and penis. The bachelor party was fun but at no time during the night did I ever want to partake of the “party-favors” because I had more respect for the woman that I was going to marry in a few short hours. I thought, there was no way I could stand across from her, in a church and take her hand in marriage without breaking down and admitting the pre-marriage-infidelity. As a young twenty something year old, I was still VERY wild six months prior to the wedding, but I knew that I had to become more responsible as a potential husband because the woman deserved that from me, at the very least. If I could calm down, stop clubbing, stop engaging in one-night stands and the occasional ex-hookups that I was notorious for, then why is it so hard for others? Life isn’t The Hangover script meant to live out.

Desire and sex are both hot! But how hot is it when it’s performed with a partner in exchange for gratuity, on the piss stained floor of a hotel room, after others have already performed the same act with him/her on the night before you repeat the sacred words…I Do? That’s three to six minutes (if your lucky or a marathon man) of pleasure that could wreck the next 5+ years of your, and your brides, life. I hate to see a woman cry, especially on her wedding day, so maybe that’s why wedding-eve-party-sex is so offensive to me…..maybe I’m just a sap….maybe I have a secret distaste for strippers that runs deep…..whatever it is, nothing makes me sicker than hearing and seeing when this happens.

I am The Clarified Blackman and welcome inside my mind.